I want to walk on the ceiling so that I can get the upside down books

So, for those of you unfamiliar with the layout of my apartment, my boyfriend’s room has a little bookshelf near the very top of the ceiling above his desk (or the piece of plywood bolted to the wall that our apartment complex tries to claim is a desk). I have recently been feeling rather cheerful, which is a change from my usual feelings of rage and sadness. However, for me, feeling cheerful often means less “cheer” and more “dopamine induced stupor.” I’ve never actually experienced the effects of a mind altering substance (not counting caffeine and alcohol), but I wonder if my cheerful mood is comparable. First, I drank three cups of tea while watching Mad Men (oh how I love Mad Men) and rolling around on the couch. Then, I decided to roll around on a softer piece of furniture. While poor Cuddles attempted to play his video games, I was laying with my head upside down, dangling off the edge of the bed saying things like: “Woah. Your ceiling looks so cool upside down. It’s like the floor. Except, I know it’s the ceiling. But I still want to walk on it. You should look at it like this. It’s so floor-like. And your books look so cool. Like, they’re just hanging on that shelf. I want to walk on the ceiling so that I can get the upside down books. I love upside down books.”

I don’t really have that much to say that doesn’t involve me ranting heavily about my issues with an order I placed a month ago (who knows, I might regale you all with that story someday), but I felt the need to post something because I haven’t updated in a while.

Anyway, when I wasn’t completely drunk off my good mood, I also read my very first Playboy magazine! I would give a thorough review, but, well, it was really sad. I mean, none of the women were attractive. None. It was so sad. All that nudity and nothing, man. The articles weren’t very good either, and there were a billion of those crappy watercolor comics that you find in every magazine. You know, the ones that always end in a painfully bad joke. Except here the cartoons were diiirrrtty. Oooooh. Adding blurry nipples to your sad little watercolor comic doesn’t improve the quality of the jokes. So, if you were planning on purchasing a Playboy magazine, I would recommend just pirating that crap instead. Or you know, watch porn online.

I’m clearly going insane

So, the promises I made to update regularly are not, naturally, being fulfilled. I would like to take this opportunity to say that I define “regularly” as at least once a week, and I’m pretty sure that my newest update was on last Friday. To be fair, I was counting on my Writing for the Web class to remind me. It’s a Tuesday/Thursday class, so I figured that I would be reminded to get my blog-butt in gear in time to get a post together. However, because I am going insane, I missed class on Thursday. Now, how could I miss class due to my own insanity? Simple–I left for class an hour later than I should, and I had no idea that I was late until I parked my car. I’m not kidding. My class is at 11am, and I left at 11:30am without thinking anything of it. Maybe, after two years without taking any math classes, my brain has finally forgotten everything number related, and the numbers “ten” and “eleven” are now merely arbitrary terms devoid of all meaning. Whatever the case, I woke up early so that I could finish my forum postings that were due that afternoon. I did so and had a decent amount of time to spare (I cannot imagine why), so I made an egg sandwich, or more accurately, I scrambled some eggs and tried to keep them in-between two pieces of toast for the amount of time it took to bring the whole mess up to my face. Then I took my shower and drove to class. On my way to class, I marveled at the lack of traffic and wandering pedestrians. Pleased, I parked only to suddenly realize that my clock read 11:45. It had read 11:44 only a minute ago, but I hadn’t been forty-five minutes late for class then. At 11:44, I still thought that I was on time.

So yes, I have finally gone totally insane. Soon, I’ll be leaving the house only to realize that I didn’t put on shoes after I’ve been at work for an hour. I’ll read ten chapters of a book for class on Monday only to realize that we aren’t, in fact, studying the novels of Terry Pratchett in my Shakespeare class. I’ll be less than twenty-four hours away from the due date of a seven page paper before realizing that I haven’t read any of the source material that I have to write about. Oh wait. That’s actually happening now.

PS: Sometime in the coming week, I plan to post a review of the movie Melancholia, but for now, I must paper.

Reasons why I should not mix with polite company

I inadvertently told my history class that I had breast lumps. Well, not inadvertently. See, I meant to tell them that I had breast lumps, and that’s why I should not mix with polite company. I tell people about my breast lumps because it seems relevant (It was, by the way. We were talking about doctors and differences in practices throughout time, and my teacher mentioned seeing a doctor if you have a lump on your chest). Of course, it did not occur to me that, no matter how relevant, breast lumps just aren’t the sort of thing you talk about to your history class. At least, it didn’t occur to me until about seven minutes after I said it, and then I got to feel vaguely embarrassed about it all day.

Socially Awkward Penguin - Had awkward conversation, replay it over and over in your head later

Thank you, Socially Awkward Penguin for understanding me. Anyway, instead of spending my time interacting with people and improving my desperately sad people skills, I decided that the best thing for me to do would be to bake. Everything. See, I’ve decided that baking is my new hobby. It is a delicious hobby, and I love it, but I can also go overboard and wind up making more baked goods than anyone could conceivably eat. So for this post today, I’m going to link to all of the recipes that I just tried in one night and talk about the exciting process of baking.

Grapefruit Cookies
Original Recipe

Grapefruit Cookies

I apologize for my inability to take a decent photograph. I will definitely work on that in the future. So, these are the grapefruit cookies. The original recipe is called “Summer Citrus Sparkles,” and they are lemon-lime cookies. I’ve made the original before, so I felt pretty comfortable subbing grapefruit. Like the original, at least when I make it, the cookies taste more like plain sugar cookies with a hint of citrus-y flavor. They’re a good, easy cookie, but a warning: Keep them sealed up if you don’t eat them immediately. They go quite hard quickly if you don’t. I would recommend eating them right after because they don’t keep that well.

Coconut Macaroons
Original Recipe

Coconut Macaroons

The ones at the source are dipped in chocolate, but I prefer my macaroons plain and am intensely lazy. Warning, warning, warning! If you use sweetened coconut flakes, reduce the amount of sugar you use. I assumed that, because the recipe didn’t specify and Walmart didn’t sell unsweetened, that the amount of sugar would work with sweetened flakes. I almost lost the crown on my back molar. That said, once they went a little stale and hardened up enough not to injure my mouth, they were quite good. Actually, they were good when they could injure your mouth. I just wouldn’t recommend chewing.

Applesauce
Original Recipe

Applesauce

OK, this one isn’t technically a baked good, but it’s practically a dessert, so it counts. I wouldn’t really consider this one an applesauce because you don’t puree it. It’s more like cinnamon apples cooked over the stove. It’s really good and easy to make; however, the recipe blog I got this from seems to have a different idea of how long it takes things to thicken than I do. The original states that the water will evaporate in ten minutes. I definitely cooked them for more than forty minutes. Still delicious.

Earl Grey Cupcakes
Original Recipe

Earl Grey Cupcakes

Once again, I have made a recipe that claimed to be for a certain number of cupcakes and wound up getting an extra cake out of it. The carrot cake recipe I use makes enough for twelve cupcakes and a cake, and that’s what this recipe does as well. The cupcake texture is really good. It has a nice, small, and fluffy crumb. Also, the little tea speckles make them really cute looking. Like the cookies, it doesn’t keep for that long, but the texture is so great, that I don’t want to play with using oil instead to keep them moister longer. The frosting is a lemon buttercream, but I did the cake with a lemon cream cheese, and it was really good too. In the future, I think I will open the teabags into the milk at room temperature so that they can steep. My cakes weren’t obviously tea flavored.

I ate a good portion of everything I baked. Man was not meant to consume four cookies, three macaroons, half a pot of stovetop-cooked apples, and two cupcakes. I practically felt the bony hand of death grip my stomach. On a last note, I’ve taken up embroidery. I’m terrible at it, but that has never stopped me before.

I have an idea for new blog posts that I would like you, my dedicated reader(s)’, input on. I’m considering trying to summarize Shakespeare plays in a humorous fashion. Does anyone think that they would like to read that? I promise GIFs!

PS: This blog is now a part of my Writing for the Web class! That means I will be updating regularly! Of course it also means that I just told another class about my breast lumps. Damn.